This post's title comes directly from a book called The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. The author relates that when you're looking for a job or a new house, a good restaurant or a deal on a used car, it is your acquaintances (your weak ties) who can provide you with leads, rather than your close friends. Why? Because you and your inner circle of friends already go to the same places and do the same things. If they knew about it, you would too.
The difficulty for me is remembering that there is no need to trasform weak ties into close friends. I feel that somehow I owe them a more intimate relationship or else I should avoid asking for help in the first place. We cannot, however, manage so many personal friendships, nor is it necessary. Everyone wants to be the one that pointed you to a job you love. There is no shame in contacting someone you haven't talked to in years, because you are in town, or because there is a question you would like to ask.
Perhaps the important thing is transparency, not pretending like acquaintance are best friends, or that you will email them regularly. Plain understanding of where you stand in each others lives, and then sincere contact ocassionally. Christmas cards. Birthday cards. A phone call every other year or so. Staying connected without expectation, supporting each other, even if only briefly. That is the strength of weak ties.
2 comments:
The difficulty for me is remembering that there is no need to trasform weak ties into close friends.
Yes, me too. I can never stand to have aquaintances. If I like a person, I always want us to be great friends forever. I like to really know the people I spend my time with. Maybe that's too much of a romantic ideal ... I don't know.
Maybe romantic to really know ALL our weak ties. Of course some will eventually move in to our inner circle, that's how people get there in the first place.
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